Are they trying to ruin my marriage? A new report from Energy Star, the EPA’s program that promotes energy efficiency, features recommendations as to where you should set your thermostat, and there’s a chance many of our marriages won’t survive the suggestions. Let me preface this by saying that I have been in a 23 year battle over the thermostat in my home with my beloved wife, Gina and it never ends well. I like it a brisk 70 degrees, and my extremely thin wife (full transparency: I have a bit of a candy coating) likes the inside temperature to hover somewhere between a beach in Barbados and a fully operating kiln. If it’s over 70, even by 1 or 2 degrees, I can’t sleep…can you?
Here are the new guidelines:
1) 78 degrees when you’re at home
2) 85 when you’re not at home
3) 82 degrees at night
Let’s analyze this, shall we? 78 degrees when you’re at home in the middle of the day? That’s the temperature when your AC breaks! If I walk in and it’s 78, I will call the repairman.
85 when you’re not at home? That’s perfect if you’re growing mold and spores. Keep it at that temperature for a week or so and it will produce rain.
82 degrees at night: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If you never want to sleep again, go with 82.
We have to come to an agreement on this for the sake of our marriages. How about 71 at night (add a blanket if you’re chilly, or wear footy pajamas), and in the daytime while you’re home…can we agree on 74? (that was painful to type!) And when we’re not at home, a balmy 75.
There, now we’re all happy. Or at least I am.