Castronovo Musings: Florida's 2020 New Year Resolutions

Paul Boat

Let’s begin 2020 with some New Year’s Resolutions:

  • Ft. Lauderdale: “Our Resolution is to fix the sewage system, we don’t want to pollute our waterways anymore, it’s not only an embarrassment, but it’s an outright crime; we’re sorry”.
  • The Miami Dolphins: “Our Resolution is to be better, and to draft Tua or anybody who can throw a football. We’re sorry for the last 20 years, it won’t happen again”.
  • Florida-Man: Collectively, our resolution should be: “No more of us arrested for riding on the hoods of cars, throwing alligators into drive-thru windows or beating your spouse with a glazed donut”.

While I’m at it, is it possible to be nice? Wouldn’t that be a great New Years resolution?

I mean, Is civility possible in 2020? I was in a very popular fish market the other day, trying to get a hunk of salmon for dinner (eating healthy is another resolution) where most of us were patiently waited to be served. A woman came in and I said to her, “man, place is packed today” she ignored me…didn’t even acknowledge that I had spoken. I thought, “typical South Florida nasty person, but whatever”. That’s when a guy behind the counter says, “number 50?” and I said, “Oh, you’re taking numbers? When I came in, the number machine was all out, so I waited patiently for someone to say, “who’s next”. That’s when the woman behind me, opened the machine, pulled out a number and said, “I’m next”. What? She came in after me, saw me waiting and bolted in front of me anyway. I said, “really?” She didn’t care. What is wrong with people, I would have said, “Oh she’s next…go ahead”. That’s what humans do, but I guess her time is more important than mine.

Interestingly, she was hit by a bus shortly after leaving the parking lot. A man can have fantasies, can’t he?

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